


too much

by anattemptatwordbending



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Panic Attacks, my friend got me into toph and zuko feels today, toph and zuko are the siblings theyre meant to be, umm yea bad stuff?? cuz like zuko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:34:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27232813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anattemptatwordbending/pseuds/anattemptatwordbending
Summary: its the same as all my other fics man.zuko is ~~strugglement~~~ but toph is thereeee
Relationships: Toph Beifong & Zuko
Comments: 10
Kudos: 84





	too much

**Author's Note:**

> s' for my tumblr fren ily

Too much, too much too much too much.

Zuko curled in on himself, shaking. _Too much_. He dug his fingernails into his skin, trying to stay grounded. The tears came to his eyes, but crying was too much effort so he just let them well up. 

_It’s too much, it’s too much, can’t, can’t, can’t._

He didn’t really know where he was anymore; he didn’t really care. All he knew was fear and pain and _so alone always alone._

He felt something burn, and he cried out, trying to cover his scar, but it burned too _no no no no no no no_

~~~

Worried voices, and then a hand on his arm _no--_

Zuko lashed out, hitting the hand away and scrambling backwards. Blurry figures were standing over him. He thought about screaming but knew it was no use (noone cared.)

He was in a corner. He was trapped. His heart pounded against his chest but he had no choice--  
he closed his eyes and waved his hand sharply, surrounding himself with flames.

It was hot, it was too hot. Zuko clenched his teeth, trying not to scream. _At least they couldn’t get to him._ Even a firebender can’t walk through fire.

His arms hurt, his face hurt, everything hurt, _too hot too hot_ \-- but a wave splashed over him, extinguishing the fire. And his hands were suddenly wrapped together and he couldn’t move and he couldn’t _bend._

“Please,” he whimpered, because they were right there, and they were going to hurt him, they were going to _burn_ him and his heart raced and he ducked his head down so they couldn’t reach his scar.

They were saying things he couldn’t hear. No fire yet, probably waiting so they could do it to his face. He clenched his eyes shut. He wouldn’t look up.

Even though they had already burned his face earlier. It throbbed.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered. Sorry never worked. Pleading never worked. But he always did it anyway. Father would call him pathetic for it, but then, Father thought everything he did was pathetic (because it was.)

Zuko tried to listen to what they were saying. To what he would have to go through, to what they wanted to do to him.

“We’re not gonna hurt you, Sparky.” A calm voice. A voice… he knew that voice.

“Toph?” he asked quietly, not looking up. She was the only one who had been kind to him. (A lie, he knew now.) The stone around his wrists came off, and he could move again.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

Zuko put his arms around his legs. “Did you want to hurt me this whole time?” His voice trembled. ( _Pathetic._ ) He just-- he needed to know. Something about her had seemed real. Like she really cared. Stupid.

“No, and I still don’t want to hurt you, and I won’t.”

“But you just did. Or-- one of you did. Aren’t you going to hurt me now?” Zuko shook his head, unsure what was going on. Lies, lies, lies. Everyone always lied to him. He tried to breathe.

“We didn’t hurt you, Sparky, you burned yourself,” her voice was softer. What?

“No I didn’t,” Zuko said. “Why would I do that?” Did Toph really think he’d believe that? He wasn’t _that_ stupid.

“Look at your arm, look at the burn. That’s your handprint, yeah?”

Zuko sneaked a peek at his arm, still not facing Toph. _Agni._ A yellowish area of skin, the shape of his hand. 

“What-- when did I--” he shook his head. “You’re lying,” he muttered. “It wasn’t me. You hurt me, I know you did.” He couldn’t have-- he knew he had. But how? When?

“It’s okay,” Toph said firmly, and Zuko realized he was hyperventilating. “It was an accident, yeah? Were you panicking?”

“I was-- I was--” he put his hands over his head. “I’m sorry,” he choked out, because that’s all he knew, apologies were all he knew. The tears finally spilled over. _Too much too much too much too much._

“Zuko,” Toph said, her voice steady, and somehow he could hear it through everything. “You didn’t do anything wrong, okay? It was an accident, and it will heal. You’re safe.”

“Not safe,” Zuko murmured. Never, ever safe.

“Yes, you are. I’m here, and I can protect you.”

“You’ll hurt me,” Zuko whispered. “Everyone always hurts me.” Everyone, everyone, everyone. Even himself. 

“I am not going to hurt you,” Toph said. “Can you look at me? I swear to you that I will not.”

Zuko raised his head very slowly, keeping his hands close in case he needed to cover it. Toph was sitting cross-legged in front of him. Noone else was in the room. She didn’t make any move to hurt him.

“Where’d everyone else go?” Zuko finally asked quietly.

“They left so they wouldn’t overwhelm you.”

Oh. That-- that didn’t sound like they were going to hurt him. But it was a lie, of course it was a lie, it had to be a lie… 

“I’m not lying to you,” Toph said, like she knew what was running through his mind.

Zuko wanted so badly to believe her. To let himself believe her. But he couldn’t trust. Trust was dangerous. Trust got him hurt.

Everything got him hurt.

_Too much, too much, too much._

His scar burned.

~~~

“You’re okay, you’re safe, I promise. Noone’s gonna hurt you.” 

Zuko was bent over again, his hands over his head. Tears streaked his face, stinging the newer burn over his scar. He whimpered.

“You’re safe,” Toph whispered again. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“I’m scared, I’m scared,” Zuko murmured, shaking. He wanted to believe her, Agni he wanted to.

“Do you want me to go?”

“No,” Zuko choked out, because he _shouldn’t_ trust her, but he was scared and exhausted and it was all too much.

“Okay, I’m here. I’m right here.”

“It’s too much,” he murmured, looking up at her. “Everything is too much.”

“Then just focus on me.”

Zuko took a shuddering breath. “Okay. Okay,” He whispered.

“I’m gonna bend for a second, okay?”

Zuko nodded, tensing. But she didn’t aim her hands at him.

She swirled them at the ground, and pulled up a small bit of rock. She held it out to him gently.

“Oh--” Zuko said quietly. It was a tiny, smooth, stone turtleduck. He took it with shaking hands. “Th-- thank you.”

“For you to hold on to,” she said.

Zuko looked up at her. “You-- care about me?” he said uncertainly.

“Of course I-- yeah, Sparky, I care about you.”

Zuko traced the turtle duck’s smooth head. He didn’t know how he felt about that. Warm. Maybe a little bit (despite everything) a little bit safe.


End file.
